Blair is over the moon that she is dating royalty and has every intention of becoming a royal herself, but a scheming Chuck has other plans for Blair and hew new love, Marcus. Serena and Dan agree to keep their recent hook-ups a secret from their friends and family until they figure out what all this means for their relationship. Meanwhile, Nate learns the downside to having an affair with a hot older woman, Catherine, who also happens to be married.
Serena: So, how's your mom doing, with the divorce and everything? Blair: Great. So my dad left her for another man, she lost 15 pounds, got an eye-lift, it's been good for her.
Serena: Eh, I'm really sorry.
Blair: Ya, I could tell, since you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening
Jenny: You are going out with Serena and I am going to 'Kiss on the Lips', who said this family wasn't cool?
Nate: Serena.
Serena: No, no.
Nate: But you're back now.
Serena: I didn't come back for you.
Front desk man: How do you know it's Miss van der Woodsen's if you didn't read it? And if you're not a guest at the hotel, what were you doing here?
Dan: What? Uh, look... when Prince Charming found Cinderella's slipper, they didn't accuse him of having a foot fetish.
Front desk man: And you're Prince Charming? Well, there's Ms. van der Woodsen now. Uh, Serena!
Dan: No, no, no, no, no! What are you doing? Wait!
Front desk man: Do you know this young man?
Dan: She doesn't know me. Nobody knows me. It's cool. It's fine.
Serena: From last night, right? Sorry about that.
Dan: You remember me? (to the front desk man) She remembers me!
Serena: So, pick me up at 8?
Dan: You'd really go out with some guy you don't know?
Serena: Well, you can't be worse than the guys I do know.
Gossip Girl: And who am I ? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl
... in the wild brunch
Dan: Serena, and her friends, and her family, her whole world, turns out it wasn't for me.
Jenny: Wait, Dan, what happened?
Dan: Did you tell Blair Waldorf about Cedric?
Jenny: I... It may have come up.
Dan: You can't trust these people, Jenny. Don't tell them anything...
Nate: Look, Blair, either you try to forgive me and move on, or we end it? (Nate places his hand on Blair and she holds it)
Blair: I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.
Serena: Eh... I called you. Blair, it's Sunday morning, coffee, croissants, breakfast at Tiffany's, it's our tradition.
Blair: I have new traditions now.
Serena: Well they're not traditions if they're new. Look, Blair, I am really trying to make an effort here. I thought things were good between us.
Blair: It was, before I found out you had sex with my boyfriend.
Blair: You know, I always knew you were a whore, never took you for a liar too.
Serena: Blair, how can I fix this?
Blair: You don't, Serena. You just stay away, from me, my boyfriend and my friends. You're done here.
Chuck: This isn't over!
Dan: Hey, anytime man. That one black eye looks a little lonely.
Blair: Dan. Hi, I'm Blair Waldorf. Serena's friend.
Dan: Uh, yeah. Do you happen to know where she is?
Blair: As a matter of fact I do.
(Serena and Nate show up)
Serena: Blair.
Dan: Serena. There you are. Where were you?
Blair: She was waiting in a hotel room. For my boyfriend.
Serena: To talk.
Nate: That's all. To talk.
Blair: That doesn't sound any smarter the second time.
Dan: Why wanted to talk to him? (to Nate) This is about why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair: (to Nate) You were what?
Chuck: I thought you were waiting for me!
Dan: Exactly what the situation needs. Chuck. Now what is going on here?
Blair: We were just getting into that.
Serena: Blair, please. Don't do this.
Blair: Sorry. Would you want to tell him?
Chuck: I'll tell him.
Nate, Serena, Blair: You know?
Chuck: I know all.
Dan: And apparently I know nothing.
Serena: Dan, it was a long time ago and I regret it.
Chuck: Please, Serena. Stop trying to pretend you're a good girl. So you've slept with your best friend's boyfriend. I kind of admire you for it.
Dan: Is that true?
Blair: Well, then she run away and lied about it. I just thought you should know. Before you fall high over hills for your perfect girl and her perfect world and you were left all alone with no-one but your cabbage patch kid.
Nate: Cabbage patch?
Dan: Did you talk to my sister?
Chuck: Yeah, little Jenny. Do you believe. She and I have some unfinished business.
... in poison ivy
Serena: Please, don't tell me it's over.
Dan: What? You were there. I'd say it's pretty over.
Serena: I meant the assembly
Blair (to Serena): Too bad you missed the assembly... Not that it matters. Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut
(Therapy session - about Eric leaving the treatment center)
Lillian: He is not ready.
Serena: He is not? Or you are not?
Ref: I'm running out of colors here, Blair.
Serena: And I'm running out of patience, enough okay?
Blair: It's enough when I say it's enough.
Lillian: Look, what's happened to Eric has put a huge strain on our family but... We are still a family.
Serena: Why do you think I did what I just did?
Dan: I appreciated it. All of this. Even if I sometimes don't show it.
Rufus: We're real men, son. We don't like to share our feelings. But... (Pause) I know what you're capable of. And nothing, my last name, my bank account, is going to keep you from getting what you deserve. Not if I can't help it. (Pause) And I see that Dartmouth has an electro-acoustic music program. What do you think of me applying?
Dan: What?
Rufus: Yeah. Jenny's smart, can get earlier admission. (Pause) Maybe we'll all go!
Dan: So not remotely funny.
Eric: Serena is not a patient at the Ostroff Center.
Blair: Eric. (smiling sympathetically) You've always been a sweet kid and I can understand you're trying to protect your sister.
Eric: I am.
Blair: I've never even seen you take a drink.
Eric: I'm not an alcoholic. I did this. (shows one of the wrist which has a bad red sign) And today Serena protected me.
Blair: Eric, I... I didn't...
Eric: See that coming? Yeah. Must be a shock for someone who thinks she knows everything.
(Eric goes away and Chuck comes over)
Chuck: What was that all about?
Gossip Girl: Another bomb launched in Blair's lap. Will she use it as a munition or will she finally surrender and put down her arms?
Blair: Nothing.
Blair: Whenever something is bothering you, I can always find you here.
Serena: You're here for another catfight? (Pause) What's that?
Blair: A letter. I wrote it to you when you were away at boarding school. I never sent it. (Pause) "Dear Serena, my world is falling apart and you're the only one who would understand. My father left my mother for a 31-year-old model. A male model. I feel like screaming because I don't have anyone to talk to. You're gone, my dad's gone, Nate's acting weird. Where are you? Why don't you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye? You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much. Love, Blair."
Serena: Why didn't you send it? I would've...
Blair: You would have what?! You knew, Serena. And you didn't even call.
Serena: I didn't know what to say to you. Or even how to be your friend, after what I did... I'm so sorry.
Blair: Eric told me what happened. I guess your family has been going through a hard time too.
Gossip Girl: Spotted in Central Park, two white flags waving. Could an Upper East Side peace accord be far off? So, what would it be? Truce or consequences? We all know one nation can't have two Queens. What happens next? Only time will tell.
Blair is over the moon that she is dating royalty and has every intention of becoming a royal herself, but a scheming Chuck has other plans for Blair and hew new love, Marcus. Serena and Dan agree to keep their recent hook-ups a secret from their friends and family until they figure out what all this means for their relationship. Meanwhile, Nate learns the downside to having an affair with a hot older woman, Catherine, who also happens to be married.